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Carleton Smith, 55, is a divorced private chef from Chilham, Kent. He has been internet dating since he and his wife of seven years, Christabel, 49, a writer, separated in 2008. They have two sons, aged 11 and ten. My date had the same dark blonde hair as her profile photo had suggested and her facial features were similar. But in the flesh she was plain and dumpy, not sylph-like and pretty, and as soon as I spotted her waiting for me in a bar in Canterbury for our first date in January 2010, it was clear she had doctored her picture. You’re not tall and thin! But, by that point, I’d been internet dating for two years and had been told one lie too many.
It wasn’t to be the last either. When a beautiful cafe owner I met later that year flashed her stockings while cooking me roast lamb at her pretty house a few miles away, I was entranced. The lamb was left uneaten. But after seducing me, she admitted she was not 55, as she’d claimed, but 60. All women lie about their age online to get men’s interest,’ she explained. Another one bit the dust. If a woman was prepared to lie so early on in our relationship, it didn’t have a future.
I began online dating six months after my wife Christabel and I separated five years ago. It seemed more convenient than using the lonely hearts columns and I felt I was too old to chat up women in bars and clubs. Christabel and I remain great friends. We enjoy regular Sunday lunches together and if there’s someone I’m considering introducing our sons to, Christabel — who’s been with a new boyfriend for the past two years — will meet her first.
Do my dates feel threatened? My longest relationship was with Alison, a 50-something financial broker I met online in July 2010. But I was torn between spending time with Alison and seeing my boys. After two years, she ended it, saying she didn’t feel like a big enough part of my life.
For the first two years of dating online, I subscribed to a dating service run by one national newspaper. But the women on it just seemed obsessed with sex. Think you’re ready to move in with your partner? Is the economy to blame for rising divorce rates? On my first date, a stunning solicitor turned up at my home in a BMW and designer dress.
A mere five minutes after we met, she suggested the pair of us perform an unprintable sex act. I’m no prude, but I was shocked. When I said I wanted her to leave she looked taken aback, as if I should have been turned on. Men are often lambasted for sexual malpractice with women they meet online, but women, it seems to me, are by far the more permissive gender. Now, I am on match.
Britain’s biggest online dating website for professionals. For the last few months, I have been seeing a chef my age I met on the site. She is, to put it bluntly, bonkers. Before we even met, she admitted she’d come to snoop through the windows of my house to check I was above board. Nor are my children overly enamoured with her.