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Get an overview of the ever-so-useful book, ‘The Five Love Languages. What Are the 5 Love Languages? What would you like to know? Sarah grew up in Monterey, CA and now lives in Los Angeles.
When she’s not writing, you can find her enjoying a good book, fine wine, sunflowers and long walks on the beach. If you spend any time around couples, you might have heard the phrase “love language” come up. Their love language is acts of service,” they might say of their partner when they talk about their partner’s help around the house. So, what exactly are these languages he speaks of? Chapman, there are five universal ways that all people express and interpret love. Through his more than 30 years of couples counseling, Dr. Chapman has noticed specific patterns in the way partners communicate — and it turns out that most of the population express and interpret love in the same five ways, according to his observations.
These expressions and interpretations are his famous five love languages. Since we don’t all have the same preferences as our partners when it comes to giving and receiving love, this is how relationships can start to get sticky. But by understanding our partners’ inherent love language, we can start to tear down walls in our romantic lives. Let’s finally learn what the love languages are. Chapman, this language uses words to affirm other people. For those who prefer the words of affirmation language, hearing “I love you” and other compliments are what they value the most. Words hold real value within this language.
Furthermore, negative or insulting comments cut deep — and won’t be easily forgiven. This language is all about giving the other person your undivided attention. Unlike the words of affirmation language, talk is cheap and being a loved one’s main focus leaves quality timers feeling satisfied and comforted. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful to these individuals. Being there for them is crucial. Chapman says for some people, what makes them feel most loved is to receive a tangible gift.
This doesn’t necessarily mean the person is materialistic, but a meaningful or thoughtful present it was makes them feel appreciated. For these people, actions speak louder than words. People who speak the language of service want their partner to recognize that their life is rough and help them out in any way possible. Lending a helping hand shows you really care. People who thrive on this language do not deal well with broken promises — or perceived laziness — and have very little tolerance for people who make more work for them. Basically, if you’re not willing to show your appreciation by doing them a favor, you’re saying you don’t value them.
To this person, nothing speaks more deeply than appropriate touch. That doesn’t mean only in the bedroom — everyday physical connections, like hand-holding, kissing, or any type of re-affirming physical contact is greatly appreciated. A person who speaks the language of physical touch isn’t necessarily an over-the-top PDA’er, but getting a little touchy-feely does make them feel safe and loved. Any instance of physical abuse is a total deal breaker.
Just because you or your partner favor a particular love language, doesn’t mean you should stop expressing the other love languages. According to Chapman, even though we tend to favor one language more than the others we still enjoy traits of the others as well. Chapman doesn’t think his Love Languages only apply to romantic relationships, either. Love Languages can pretty much be applied to any type of relationship. Learn more about all of Dr. A version of this article was originally published in September 2010.
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The Five Love Languages Quiz is will help you discover what your love language is and how to be loving in a way your partner will truly understand. One of the best free relationship quizzes around. URL into your RSS reader. If this message is confusing, close this window and click on the question mark next to “Subscribe to This Site” for simple step-by-step instructions.
Things you NEED to know! Don’t worry – your e-mail address is totally secure. This is one of those relationship quizzes that will prove its’ weight in gold. You will discover your primary an secondary love languages. In actual fact, however, we’re longing for closeness and love, but just can’t seem to pull things together. Instead of believing that we’re on different “sides”, let’s just learn to celebrate our differences.