Why online dating is bad
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So you’ve set up your online dating profile, answered 66,000 of those ancillary compatibility questions, and received exactly zero messages from others — so what’s the deal? Why is no one attracted to you? Well, it’s because you’re not attractive. Here, let’s cut it down into pieces that are easier to swallow. What are you looking for? You want to have more self-esteem? You’d better get it from achieving something in life, because that’s not the job of your future partner.

You see the mile markers in life as education, career, relationship, and family, but just because you can sleepwalk your way through the first two doesn’t mean you’re automatically ready for the rest. Single Life for yourself and would now like to shoehorn another person into it in the manner of adding a seventh wheel to one of those stupid six-wheeled cars. Approximately 77 percent of your dating profile is a massive itemized list of your favorite bands and TV shows simply because those are the things that have paired nicely with your aloneness. You’re looking for a cheerleader for your big pile of Single Person Stuff, but you have that pile BECAUSE you’re single. Your job is not to demand that someone else submit to jackbooted annexation by your single person’s empire. You do not want to be the Hitler of relationships.